How To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust

There is nothing wrong with needing to rip your partner’s clothes off on a whim (it can definitely make for a hot relationship), however, whether or not there is a deeper romance will ascertain the commitment level. Understanding the difference between lust and love will help you understand romantically involved you envision being with your partner for the long run. And, what is more, it is going to give you a good idea of how to feel on your own spouse, regarding her or his weaknesses and how they effect you.

As a licensed health coach , I work with people on feeling fulfilled in their relationships, no matter what that really stands for. Sometimes, individuals are only after lust, or rather a romantic (frequently mainly physical) relationship that is more short lived, hot, and obsessive. Consider: You can’t keep your hands off each other when together. But , usually there’s less of a connection beyond the physical (you are sort of dating the body, rather than the person inside it). A relationship is going to have a meaning, since there’s an attachment and understanding there. No matter what you looking for, both can be quite fulfilling; just the long-term result will fluctuate.

You’ve got Meaningful Conversation

Based on Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, over email with Bustle, in case you are finding a deeper level of communication, there is likely a love there. “When there’s depth to the relationship, beyond merely physical attraction, that is a great sign that there is love. You have the ability to have meaningful conversations, speak about your dreams for your own relationship, learn about each other’s interests and family history,” Rabbi Slatkin describes.

read what he said are Excited By Them Only Sexually

“If you end up romantically and sexually aroused by them, but don’t have any interest in the mental and other non-sexual facets of the relationship, then it probably is just lust,” says David Bennett, a licensed counselor and relationship expert to Bustle.

You’re Still Invested In Them Despite Bad Sex

If you’re suffering to have a sexual chemistry with your spouse, or you do not enjoy his or her style in bed, but you still want to remain together for a ton of different reasons, it is likely because you love them, says Bennett. “Love is a relationship that’s deeper than just sexual attraction, and is mental as well as intellectual, and lasts even when you may be struggling to connect intimately with your partner,” says Bennett.


the original source is typically compound, primal and firmly physical. It typically entails idealization and fantasy about the individual,” says Stacy Kaiser, Live Joyful Editor At Large and certified psychotherapist, to Bustle. “Love tends to be calmer and quieter. It requires more time to grow and feels much more like a mental and psychological bond than a chemical or physical one,” Kaiser adds.

You are Obsessive

“Lust and the early phases of a relationship involve the dependence center of the brain, which can be fed from the hormones that surge through you every time you visit or think about the object of your dreams,” states Michelle Archard, Romance Expert to Bustle. “If you are always searching for a ‘fix’ of your partner then you are probably still in the lust stage. If you’re able to go a while without contact and are not continually thinking about them then you’ve moved to the love or attachment phase,” Archard explains.

You Feel Grounded Around Them

“Love is deep seated feeling. Love is layered. When you love somebody, the whole package is taken by you. You want to get to know them. You care about them and care for their health,” states Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Melissa Divaris Thompson, to Bustle. Generally speaking, you will be more enthusiastic about peeling back these layers.

You’re Doing More “Couple” Things

“By the time enjoy occurs, couples are generally moving in together, purchasing a home, moving up the career ladder, and thinking of children. Love vs Lust have a lot more stress happening in their life, which helps to eliminate (or even slow down) lust,” explains Cath Hakanson, sex educator and founder of Sex Ed Rescue to Bustle.

You are Focused On Getting Everything You Want

Following is an integral difference: Lust is about getting what you need (maybe some hot sex) , while love is more concerning giving on a partner and enduring the relationship, explains Brian Taylor, dating & Author coach, to Bustle. Consider it’s going help determine whether you are feeling love or lust and where your brain is.

You Do Not Feel Safe To Open

“Should you truly feel safe to share your feelings on your relationship, and you feel accepted despite your flaws, it’s likely love. Should you feel you can not or don’t want to discuss your feelings and be emotionally vulnerable in your relationship, then it is likely lust,” Shirani M. Pathak, LCSW, Relationship Center of Silicon Valley, says over email with Bustle.

If you notice any of these differences popping up on your relationship, you’ll definitely get a few signs to understand the difference. That’s great, if it’s aligned with what you need. If not, it is time.